This week was a miracle. I downloaded the 5-minute Journal after my friend told me I was part of her daily highlights and I was inspired to use it myself. The app looked easy to use and not too demanding unlike bullet journaling, and its intention is pretty straightforward. It only asks for a glimpse of my day and which of those I’m most grateful for. Since it was easy and plain, I didn’t have a hard time committing to it.
It helped me a good lot, since it made me focus on the good things more and less of the messy things that typically occupy my mind. It was an effortless chain reaction. Getting rid of the nasty thoughts before sleeping and shifting my focus on what made me happy each day helped me sleep better at night. This led to me completing full hours of sleep, waking up to beautiful mornings and quiet breakfasts, and building the habit of staying off my phone before work hours. Deleting my social media apps also contributed to a more comfortable headspace, and it made me realize how those apps can influence the course of my day. I was seeing progress in broad daylight and I was starting to feel proud of this mini progress until I had to ruin it again myself.
Having a taste of being That Girl this week seemed easy, and I guess it’s because taking it away from me would be as abrupt. It only took me a short browse on Instagram to remember all my insecurities and immediately compare myself to the rest of the world. Now I had to pause and think hard about gratitude again while shifting my attention to the lessons that this week had for me. The most essential would be to keep trying and trying and trying. This is probably why they say you have to keep showing up for yourself and keep remembering the ways you used to fall, because that would be the compass that will steer you away from your unwanted habits. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that progress is built on continuous hard work and dedication, but with practice and willpower best believe that goal will remain reachable.
Before this week dips into another series of self-hate, I’m going to max out on my willpower and allot the biggest chunk of my gratitude to a certain workmate, who surprised me today by sending a box of Blue Cheese pizza. This week started off roughly for her, and it led us to reflect together on our situation at work and life in general. She’s always been the understanding type, someone who would listen and hear you out without judging, and someone who will relentlessly show you her support for whatever it is that empowers you and makes you smile. I still wonder how she keeps that pure form of love in her, the selfless kind, the one that is both difficult to give and receive. I am lucky to witness that gracefulness in a person and be inspired to be as wise and elegant as her — and even more so that I get to receive her brand of love without having to ask for it.
Unwittingly, she was able to help me refocus my thoughts on gratitude and made me realize that I am someone who also deserves love even if and especially when I think otherwise. She’s a blessing, and the reason I am happy today is because there is a kind of love that I deserve to receive, and that’s a box of an oven-baked Blue Cheese pizza.
