Extreme highs come with extreme lows.
I guess this is how you keep a balanced life. My last story involved a lot of self-growth and acknowledgment of my progress and potentials, but this post is about figuring out how to maintain that energy.
Here’s a breakdown of my breakthroughs:
The previous month went by too fast, and a lot of things happened in a span of 30 days. The Moonlight Project has been eventually called Endless Spring, and I’ve successfully delivered warmth to my fellow Shawols through scented candles. Apart from celebrating Jjong’s birthday, I was able to unlock different milestones on being his fan, and it felt so nice to get to know him better while doing the project. After the successful launch, it felt so good to be proud of myself after a long time. He made me do it. And I’m so glad I did it.
Then all while preparing the Endless Spring project, I was also handling our company’s Annual Stockholders’ Meeting. Despite the stress, the sleepless nights, and the physically draining preparations, the event was met with high praises from the executives. The run went on smoothly and although it wasn’t perfect, I believe I was able to prove my ability to produce an event. I was even called ‘Direk’ by my colleagues and the production crew, and I almost got too lightheaded with kilig. I figured being a director really sends a rush of blood through my veins and I love the entire thrill of it. I love the rush, the creativity that I’m able to pour into it, and the team I was able to build with effortless rapport. I feel so honored that an established crew like them trusted me, and not only did they support my ideas, they also brought them to life. I’m still overwhelmed.
And as if the universe was so keen on keeping me elated, someone from my past reached out to me. Strange feeling being flattered is. Not used to that anymore. But anyway, that did not end well and he is still the nuisance (a distraction) I’ve known him for, so I’m glad it didn’t last long.
Now the question is, why do I feel nothing all of a sudden? I’m paralyzed again. I don’t feel excited anymore, I don’t mind dressing blandly again, and I’ve gained weight once again (aka I Hate Myself). It happened all so quickly. It’s as if I’m paying for all the positive things that just occurred in my life.
Is it because I “rewarded” myself with an iPad that I paid through credit card and now I’m worried about how to pay that debt? Is it because I felt so confident about my finances that I seemed to have lost control and now I’m worried to fail myself again (and the people that trusted me with my passion project)? I feel so restless, and I’m back to enjoying the wee hours of the night by myself, aimlessly browsing on Netflix just to waste meaningful time. Well, I’m lying if I claim I enjoy it because I really don’t. It’s like something’s keeping me awake even if I’m always tired. I have no energy at all. I’m doing my best to fight this, because I want to keep that good energy in me. I still have a lot of plans this year. I don’t want to fall behind my goals because I need this to work. I need to do this for myself. I can’t accept another setback because I’m so tired of falling through. I’ve already conquered a lot, I don’t want to let the second half of my year be put to waste. I don’t want to hate myself again.
What do I do?
